An essential guidebook to navigating new seasons + pushing faith pass frustration.
Girl, where have you been?
Well, friends... As the popular phrase goes, "long time, no see." I know. I know. It's been quite a while since my last blog post - in fact, this unintentional hiatus was well in the works for over 2 years. So let's catch up, friends.
For those who may be new here, over the last few years I've been in graduate school earning my Doctor of Public Health (DrPH) degree. This terminal degree marks the culmination of my academic journey - one that has been well over 10 years in the making (Bachelors, Masters, Doctorate.... girl). Trust me!! This Black woman is done getting degrees - a classroom will not see me (unless the good Lord moves me into becoming Professor Favorite, but for now, that is not in my ministry.) Okay back to the point.... by the grace of God, I finally fulfilled my dream of earning my doctorate and potentially starting what I'd like to call my big girl career. While I am grateful for the journey, attending graduate school + writing a dissertation was no easy feat. There were countless days and nights filled with reading scholarly articles, completing homework assignments, group projects, conducting data collection and analysis for my dissertation, and of course, lots and lots and lots of writing. Because of my immense writing for academic purposes, I quickly lost my passion in writing for fun - hence, no more blogs from Xi's Essentials. Simultaneously, my self-care routine dwindled. My wellness habits became non-existent. And I stopped seeing my therapist. Life was truly life-ing. It wasn't until I experienced a severe mental health breakdown back in Fall 2022 where I realized that taking care of myself needed to become a priority.
And so, to make a long story short, I rearranged my responsibilities on my plate while prioritizing myself and seeking joy. I started to see my therapist again. I grew my relationship with God. And last but not least, I successfully defended my dissertation and graduated with my degree. Oh! And I'm a married woman now. I told y'all that we had some catching up to do.
All of this has brought me to where I stand now. And I must admit, the first half of 2024 has definitely served as my winning season.
But don't get too excited friends. Because as soon as the second half of the year began, life once again began life-ing. Which brings me to my current season... my waiting season.
In my post-grad era (again).
I unfortunately haven't received my public health big girl job yet. I started applying to full-time roles in my field back in March after I defended my dissertation and I was actually offered two potential employment opportunities - however, due to the location of these opportunities + other personal reasons, I unfortunately had to turn them down. Trust me, it was for the best because I definitely would have been unhappy had I moved forward.
Thankfully, my university offered me a contract role until I find my desired full-time position. I am literally continuing the work from my dissertation - determining air pollution levels in Black and Brown communities located in North Texas while advancing environmental justice initiatives. I'm truly blessed to have this opportunity - which is why I often stress that doctoral students should be intentional about choosing their Research Chair/graduate program. But this isn't necessarily my dream public health role or where I've envisioned myself post-graduation. Although I'm grateful for this opportunity, I can't help but to feel frustrated and overlooked in this job searching process.
Now, let's talk about how I've been navigating my post-grad season... again. This is for my newbies: in my very first blog post, First of All, I'm Not Supposed To Be Here, I went through a similar situation back in Spring 2018 when I graduated from undergrad and I had no idea what my next step would be. As a result, I experienced symptoms of post-grad depression. But months later, through therapy, journaling, + more, I managed to pull myself out of my depression and figure out my next move. Everything came together in the end....
But here I am yet again, feeling every bit of the strange, conflicting emotions that comes with post-grad life. And what makes it even worse, the job market is wild right now! I wish that someone would have warned me about the depressing, self-deprecating, endless black hole that is known as the job market?! Navigating the job market - no matter your field - can be a daunting task. I've often found myself drowning in a sea of reposted LinkedIn job posts. Playing Ghostbusters with recruiters and hiring managers. Oh! And receiving my favorite email of the day: thank you for your interest in this role, but unfortunately we've decided to pursue other candidates blah blah blah. Honestly, this process is quite tiring. And yes, I've been utilizing my vast network because these days it's about who you know rather than what you know. But what if I've used all of my resources? I know that I should show myself grace - I literally just graduated. But why do I feel overqualified AND overlooked? I'm frustrated.
And yet... I have faith.
Is it possible to have faith while being frustrated?
I believe that it's okay to have have faith while being frustrated... as long as you don't sit in that frustration! Hey, we're friends right? Can I be vulnerable for a second here? Since I graduated in May, I've had a few moments where I've found myself mad at God because He hasn't yet given me the desires of my heart. Here I am Lord, with 3 degrees + ample research experience. Here I am Lord, yet again, going through another post-grad season unsure of my next step. Here I am Lord, showcasing your glory to others - trying to be the reason why people should believe in the goodness of God. But I was angry because I felt like God wasn't hearing my cries or tears. Literally, I was shedding tears practically every week because I wasn't seeing the fruits of my labor... a.k.a. my big girl job.
But if there's anything that I've learned from previous situations is that it's okay to be frustrated. I know that it's easier said than done but you have to hold on to your faith and keep pushing forward. So here I am Lord, pushing my faith pass my frustration. Still applying to full-time public health roles. Still consistently logging into LinkedIn and Indeed as part of my daily routine. Still reaching out to my network. But most of all, I'm still giving you the praise for what you've done, what you're doing, and what you're going to do.
Essentials to navigating new seasons:
New seasons require new mindsets. I think that it's essential to have a, but what if it does work out? type-of-mindset. Waiting for your next step when you don't necessarily know what that looks like, is not easy. The waiting can be painful and confusing. But that's just fear talking. Your thoughts are powerful.
New seasons also require new attitudes.
If you're waiting on God to move in your life, start by having a what's for me, will be for me kind-of-attitude. I definitely had to change my attitude about my contract role and to remind myself that I am still putting my public health degree to good use! In fact, in the past month or so, I've actually done some pretty amazing things in this role. I've managed to submit 2 peer-reviewed manuscripts that are currently under review (as an academic, this is a hugggeee deal!). I've continued my environmental justice advocacy work in collaborating with underserved communities located in North Texas. I've strengthened my data analysis skills. On a more personal level, I've also had the opportunity to spend intentional time with my close family and friends. Honestly, I probably would not have had the opportunity to do any of these items had I been employed with my big girl job. Needless to say, perhaps this is exactly where God wanted me to be.
Try to be more present in your current season.
Listennnn, there's a reason as to why you haven't elevated into a new season yet. Ask yourself, "what is God teaching me, right now?" Maybe God is taking you the long way for your own growth and development - catch it! I actually came across this TikTok video where a creator gave an example of how when God freed the Children of Israel from captivity to the Promise Land, he took them the long way (Exodus 13: 17-18). Why? Because if He took them the short way, they would face war, ill-prepared, and try to go back to captivity. So instead, God took them the longer way so that they would be better prepared for future battles and ultimately, have victory over their enemies. Wow! Our Father is so intentional with His plan for our life. I encourage you to lean into that in your current season.
I will admit - it kinda feels good to let all of this out. If there's one thing that I've learned is that you are never alone. Since I've become more open about my post-grad experience, many of you have reached out and expressed similar stories. Although the job market is tough right now for many, I know that greater is coming. So if you're currently going through your waiting season or any new season, please remember that it's okay to feel frustrated - let your emotions happen, just don't stay in the funk. Show yourself grace. And know that even in the waiting, God is still working!
It's great to be back, friends.
For mental health resources, tap here.
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